Luthfi Riadi Darwis
CURRENTLY LIVING IN
I'm that kind of person who falls into the same mistake, because I'm too curious to know, is it going to end up like the last mistake I made? so I'll try again. I'm always trying to be the man of my word, BOLD it, TRY. because what I found from humans that, they change a lot, they're changed by whom they met, their life experiences, what they saw, what they watched, what they listened to, etc. because for me, eventho I'm still in the same body for 19 years, I don't think I'm still the same kind of person, compare with 15 year old me, I mean, yes, it sounds rough or what, but.. don't be naïve, I mean, well that's the truth. I used to say that "I don't smoke, I have a cooler way to die", you don't see me right now, but I'm smoking while typing this. see? it's just a tiny example. people change their words all the time, I believe that, you just need an eraser and rewrite it.
I don't hate, I hate hating, it's just consuming your brain with nonsense.
I do dislike, it means I DON'T LIKE IT, not "I hate it".
I don't get why there are homophobic people. I just don't.
I like to listen & stare people who do a conversation, and observe it and say "oh, that's how it works" in my mind. I just adore people who speak their minds, and do things their own way.
I believe there's no such thing as originality, everything's recycled.
I eat Kit Kat differently.
MAKES ME HAPPY
I love to stare and listen to people conversation, observe it, learn it, how different people have so many different point of views.
Most of the time, if people are not asking me directly, I don't speak about my minds, because I prefer and love to DO my minds. but if my mind tells me to speak, then I'll speak. but if it's not that necessary, I do things so that they can get the messages and realize by themselves.
I love collaborating cute stuff with death. two things I love, little boys attitude and depression. I found that it's just amazing seeing two different kind of things (or more) mixed up spontaneously.
I love to make a history, one of my obsession is that I always have to make a real history with every each person I know. different person, different story.
GETS ME HOT
Pale, blue-sky eyed, look-like-dying boys & beautifully depressed girls.
MAKES ME SAD
I have abandonment issues, where i always have fears of being abandoned, when i was 13, i realized that i missed something in my life, which was my dad-figure. He left me when i was 7, he visited me sometimes when i was a kid but the reason why he visited me was because he had a business meeting, not for me. He promised me to take me to school and pick me up but he didn't, once i woke up in the morning, and he's gone. he called me once a year, he asked the same question every each year "how's senior high school?" even tho i'm already graduated. I'm sure that he doesn't remember my birthday. i named him Darth Father in my cellphone's contact list. Sometimes, i feel sad for no reason, like i just want to be sad at a moment, observing all the sadness that i have to feel, because i need to be sad sometimes.
My fantasies would be sounded so bad and stuff, but don't get me wrong ok?
IF, if everything's will always be alright, I mean, REAL EVERYTHING.
since I love to watch psycho teen films and stuffs, like We need to talk about Kevin, etc. I would like to be a 15 year old teenage boy who feels kinda depressed, with pale skins, great hair, blue eyes, who bites his nails in the class, who never has a seat in canteen, you know.. that kind of teen boy. then I go home, and stare at my messy room, turn on my laptop, and sign in to the online chatroom, and asking to people about society these days.. then I realize that I need to do something about it. then I click an online shopping, I mean an online guns shopping. and I buy the biggest one with my divorced dad's credit card. I wait until it's coming, then I'm happy when I found it in front of my room which's separated with my own house, because I'm sick of my own home, stuff like that. I come to the school the next day, wearing my dad's coat which's too big for me, because I need it to hide my gun. then I go to the canteen, and try to shoot my school-so-called-mates as many as possible before I go to jail and be bald.
CALM DOWN IT'S JUST FANTASIES, SAME AS LIKE A MOVIE.
Waiting, tests, exams (there will always someone who has a bigger score), academics.
Missing. I don't really miss people that much.
But it doesn't mean i don't love them, i just can't explain why.
WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE
I'm exploring my life, experiencing dangerous things, weird things, fine things, crazy things, messy things. but frankly.. now, I'm struggling with weather.. it's just too weird.
To be serious,
I'm doing art right now, well, I've been doing it since along time ago, but it's just that I'm officially an art student since september 2012 until now. finally. I study Basic Art, like histories of art, how to cut & paste, how to move your pencils correctly, how to shade, how to erase, etc. fun. then I'll continue to fashion design, because I want to tell stories with my designs, I want them speak.
Since I moved to France, I did so many new things, I experienced things that I thought I would never ever have. I learned how to adapt more, how to take care of myself alone, because actually, I'm the only foreign student in my art school, in my small village. yes,I'm living in a really small town, where people live near to each other, and the only things that would amuse us, the people, are one & only average cinema, and riot parties in a forest.
so I eat cereals for breakfast to dinner, not because I can't cook, but because I dislike doing dishes, it's boring.
I'm surrounded by nice people, smart people, crazy people.
well yeah, I'm just doing young things, enjoying every single of the day, before I couldn't remember a thing. Like I said, I like to have stories with each person that I know, so when the time I'm old and weak and the only thing I can remember is where I put my glasses, they can tell me the story of me, so I will never forget.
I'M REALLY GOOD AT
☆ Remembering visuals, i cannot forget what i saw. ☆ Visualizing my thoughts ☆ keeping secrets ☆ adapting ☆ jumping from one personality to another in minutes ☆ laughing
THE FIRST THING PEOPLE NOTICE ABOUT ME
The first thing people usually notice about me? hmm... one of my friend told me that I'm "found-able" which by meaning I cannot be lost. if I'm in a crowd, she still can see me.
but if we talk about what people think.. hmm.. people.. as far as I concerned, sometimes, people notice me as girl. yes, when I was in indonesia, one time I wanted to go to a restroom, and a lady told me that I went to a wrong restroom. and here in france, a random guy I met in the street was suddenly surprisingly asking me "tu es un mec?" [read: you are a dude]. and I was like.. mm.. dhuh', even an old guy who works in my school office asking my gender, and so many other weird questions I've got. Well, let me straight this up, I'm not trying to look like a girl, and frankly I don't see myself as an androgyny whats-so-ever, not at all. well sometimes, I wear girls' stuff, but not in the meaning of trying to look like a girl. because I found so many girls' stuff that interest me and give me some ideas. that's it.
but sometimes, it's fun to make people confused anyway.
I don't really read books, i wish i do. But the only books i read in a full focus were perks being a wallflower and Roald Dahl's.
The Adams family, Ranma 1 1/4, Misfits, Daria
The royal tenenbaums, the science of sleep, amélie, an education, Battle Royale, The Dreamers, Ghost World, The Virgin Suicides, We need to talk about Kevin, The Breakfast Club, Carrie, Batman (directed by Christopher Nolan), Batman Returns (1992, directed by Tim Burton), Moonrise Kingdom, and many...
I'm listening to Grimes, she's just adorable. Swim Deep, Craft Spells, The XX (I don't really like the latest album, but adore the cover), Alt-J, Chad Valley, everything is embarrassing by Sky Ferreira, Emil & Friends, Beirut, Raspberries, The Kills, The Virgins, phoenix, etc etc etc etc etc.
FOOD / DRINKS
Foods : mashed potatoes, salmon, cheese fondue, fast foods, waffles, overloaded-butter popcorn, cornflakes, sushi, korean noodles, fried Oreo & more
Drinks: corn drink! Banana milkshake, peach tea, soja milk, lemonade.
MY OPINION ABOUT SOCIETY NOWADAYS
There are a lot to talk about society.
Once, I read a tweet from Joko Anwar (indonesian filmmaker), well the point is that, he said "just because you choose your religion, doesn't mean you forgot your humanity" or else. I couldn't agree more with that phrase.
I learned from what's going on with society back in my hometown. When people use religion as their weapons to rule other people's life, their choices, their decisions, their mindsets.
I believe in God, but what I disagree is when other people who might think that what others do is not like it's supposed to be and they're trying to get into their business. Because for me, the relationship between a person with their God, is only about s/he and Him, and no one should put their dirty hands between.
I thought religion is about peace, but then I realized that hypocrites use it as a reason to make others live in a box. and they focus on changing people, not to embrace them together. well honestly, deep down inside of my head, there are bubbles full of confuses.
in my point of view, different point of views make each other becomes more understanding, more respecting, more HUMAN. and I found that, if people not to get use to different kind of things, they will be easily surprised, then they'll find them weird, and they think weird things mean wrong, and they'll talk about it cynically, at the end, they hate it, they hate them who have weird thoughts, they hate each other. so where's the peace?
and the second one,
I don't get it, why is hard to except love. Why there's always a limit of love, where the only love that people accept is a relationship between a girl and a boy. why people think that Gays / Lesbians / Bi(s) / whatever-they-name-it think that if one isn't straight, s/he must be a pervert.
People are persons, they have feelings, but maybe they have different interests, then so what's the big deal, it's just like you like those black shoes, and others like the red ones. you don't need to say "ewh" about it, there's nothing disgusting, nor disgraceful, it's just in your small, tiny, narrow-minded MINDSET.
SEVEN THINGS I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT
☆ Music player
☆ My thoughts
☆ My retainer ( braces before sleep)
☆ My hands
I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT
What's logic and what's not
I wanna be a fashion designer, a filmmaker, an astronaut, a gangster, & an illustrator.
I would like to collaborate with Claire Boucher a.k.a Grimes, her personalities flow into her artworks, her voice, her way of showing it is just undeniable. I would like to collaborate with Wes Anderson, create films. I would like to collaborate with Damien Blottière and make a mind blowing artwork by using cut & paste technique. I would like to collaborate with Dylan Sada, because I found that she's the definition of balance.
FRIDAY NIGHT I'M USUALLY
Move to friends' house and mess their rooms.
IF I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD
I would like to change GOOGLE into GIGGLE [LOL]
THE MOST PRIVATE THING I'M WILLING TO ADMIT
well, private.. hmm or I can say secret? hmmm NAH, I don't really have secrets, because secrets hurt.
I don't label my orientation, I don't name it, I just go all the way. it's more like.. open to people personalities, no matter what their gender. if we can have fun, get crazy, get sad, be wild, be free, be warm together, then we can be together.
boys... girls... they're just illusions, what's inside is the most important.
for me there's no limitation of having a relationship with persons, I'll be with whomever I want to be with.